my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
