someone owes me an orgasm
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize