...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
