Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
