Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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