you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
