i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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