I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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