I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
