Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so let's talk penis.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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