I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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