I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
