I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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