I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
