She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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