i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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