I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
