Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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