You're completely useless in the revolution.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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