i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
