Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
