Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
