Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
