but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
