Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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