is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
