plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
this hospital has no fireball
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
