my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
