Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
