im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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