Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
