I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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