if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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