he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
