You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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