I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
