Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize