I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
