just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
