He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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