I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
