I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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