I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
