I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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