A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
