either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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