Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize