Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize