In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
