i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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