I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
