She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
