Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
