Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
