Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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