Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
