Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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