Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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