I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
