There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
