I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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