I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
