Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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