He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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