I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize