Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize