Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
