my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
