the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
