the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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