They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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