She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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