Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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