he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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