nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
